Living as a Kinky Virgin

It may seem like it’s an impossible thing to be, but there are lots of kinky virgins out in the world. A virgin is simply someone who’s never had sex and you don’t have to have sex to know that you’re kinky. In fact, Daily Cal released an editorial in 2021 that was written by one of these kinky virgins. She chose to remain anonymous, but her story is something that everyone should hear. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean that you’re innocent and just because you’re innocent doesn’t mean that you can’t be kinky.

She says of her high school experience that “I was seen as the “innocent friend” of the group. While all my friends had already lost their virginities or had some sort of sexual encounter, it seemed as if sex was an enigma to me and that I would be a clueless, innocent virgin forever. So, of course, in the grand gesture of my friends now sending me those 15-second videos, the punchline is that I, the “innocent friend,” was a lot kinkier than I seemed.” Those videos she references are TikToks that had sexual material and connotations to them.

She goes on to say that “college didn’t give me some sort of sexual awakening. I’ve always known that I was somewhat kinky. See, most people figure out what gets them off in bed through experience and physical intimacy with a partner. For me, all I had was the internet and my imagination. Discovering porn for the first time at the age of 10 opened me up to the vast world of sex. Slowly, I explored the different avenues of kink that came along with it, reading Wattpad stories, navigating Tumblr threads and exploring NSFW Twitter concepts. Picturing myself in the scenarios I saw and read, I often found myself daydreaming in wonder or wincing in fear. From this, I came to learn my likes and dislikes and understood my limits at a pretty young age, despite never actually doing anything.”

That makes it pretty clear that you don’t have to be sexually active to know about your own sexual desires. That goes for everyone out there. You can explore your sexual desires long before you’re ready for sex and that’s perfectly okay.

Once you decide that it’s time for your first experience, she has plenty of good advice for you to follow. “I’d say having your first time, as long as both sides are consensual, is generally a pleasurable experience. I enjoyed my first time — it was with someone I trusted and felt comfortable with at the time. It was just not the heaven on earth I anticipated. No heightened senses, no explosion of emotion, just normal sex. But even though my first time may not have been the pure ecstasy I wanted (I don’t think anyone’s first time is the absolute best), it confirmed what I held in my mind to be true: You can be a virgin and still have kinks. You can know what turns you on and gets you off without any experience. It wasn’t until I actually had my first time that I was reassured of this fact.”